The name of this blog comes from our mission at INFLUENCE: “To empower people with clarity and confidence.”
Our objective is to provide brief but meaningful topics (under 500 words) that inspire, educate and empower leaders through resources both inside and outside of INFLUENCE. This week’s edition is provided by David Salmons.
Personality conflicts and office drama reduce productivity. And even in the most intentional of corporate cultures, you, the leader, can find yourself facing a frazzled team-member who asks if you can “talk”.
“Sure, what’s up?” you ask.
“I can’t take it anymore,” they reply.
“Can’t take what?” you ask.
“Robert!” [or Mary, or Phil, or Karen] “I can’t take THEM anymore!”
And they proceed to vent.
So, what do you do?
Some leaders, compassionate by nature, choose to soak up this angst only to find that they must do so repeatedly, becoming trapped in the role of an ineffective parent.
A better way to manage these moments is to coach the venting individual towards an ownership mindset. Here’s how you can do that by framing your “talk” with the following questions:
- Emotions aside, what are the key points I should know? This shows that you expect them to be objective in providing a concise summary, while giving them license to clearly state the problem as they see it.
- How do you see me helping? This moves the conversation into problem solving. It requires the individual to go beyond complaining and to instead think of realistic solutions, as well as why they’ve come to you. Keep in mind that typically solutions require compromise, so this question should lead to ideas about how the individual who’s venting contributes too.
- Would it help if the three of us discussed this? This question serves multiple purposes. It can be a conversational wrap-up that helps the individual realize they should be more flexible, or it might lead to a negotiation phase.
Further, this third question can define whether the complaining individual is willing to own their problems. And perhaps most important, it may clarify whether they want a solution at all. Some don’t. Some dramatic individuals simply want to complain, and if you let them, they will make a beeline to your door, prepared to waste your time on a regular basis.
This point leads to a concluding note on the topic.
Drama is destructive, yet some employees do not and will not accept this. As such, when an individual consistently creates misery for others while framing themselves as “the victim,” you may simply need to let them go. Not doing so risks the productivity of your team and the team itself. Meaning, if you don’t remove the bad apple, the good apples – the ones who want to own their opportunities and challenges – will leave.
So, give these 3 questions a try the next time a team-member asks if you can “talk”. By doing so you’ll assure the conversation bears an ownership mindset; you’ll help the good apples be, well, even better apples; and you’ll strengthen the corporate culture that you’ve worked so hard to build.